She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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