i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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