i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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