I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I just shit out all my problems.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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