You just made me feel so damn special
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
