East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
