That's when you crack a 10am beer
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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