I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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