He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
