get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
