well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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