Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
A+ Viking dick
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
