there's paper in my vomit.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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