we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
