I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
