blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
