Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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