I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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