All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
