wrigley field is MILF paradise
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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