you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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