His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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