i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
