My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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