I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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