You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
