just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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