I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
