He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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