You really coming over, don't trick.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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