Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
