Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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