It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
