if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
