idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
