fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
