it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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