so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
