He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You're like the curious george of whores
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
