my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
