I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
