how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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