i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
