Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
