i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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