do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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