I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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