if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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