Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
