im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
