Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
