It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
