K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
